Woman Resurrected after Three Years in Her Grave
I kinda miss the tabloids like WEEKLY WORLD NEWS. We still have to suffer the existence of rags like the NATIONAL ENQUIRER (I cannot fathom why anybody would ever buy one of those pieces of flotsam, knowing that 99% of what they post is fake. It says so much–and none of it good–about our puerile modern culture that publications like the ENQUIRER manage to stay in print.) But the FUN ones, like WWN, are gone. Sure it was stupid, and it really jumped the shark those last few years in publication. But it was WWN that so traumatized me as a little boy, when I saw a headline ominously proclaiming VAMPIRES ARE REAL! the day after my parents had made the mistake of letting me watch SALEM’S LOT on TV, leading to weeks of nightmares and fueling my later fascination and passion for all things vampiric. I owe WWN some gratitude.
Fortunately, we have the Internet to pick up the slack. In that spirit, here is the story of a dead woman in Indonesia brought back from the grave after three years. She doesn’t look too good, but she’s up and walking, sure ’nuff. As with all the content provided by the tabloids, this story is guaranteed to be true. (Also it is improperly translated by someone for whom English is obviously not their first language, and this adds to the humorousness of it.)
The funniest part of the story involves the motivation of those who resurrected the dead woman. Apparently it is customary in those parts to reanimate the dead and then have them stand guard over their graves. What the ever-lovin’ f*ck? Why bother bringing a dead person back to life if you’re just gonna have them STAND there, acting like a scarecrow? There’s a good plot for a movie here, though. All those revenants get bored after being left standing with nothing to do and decide to go on a rampage instead.
[Note: Don’t watch the video. It’s probably full of malware. Just look at the pictures.]